death Archives | Foodeva Marsay

I SMILE is a peak into MY SMILE During EACH phase of Grief.

Hey lovelies, Slowly Inching my way back onto the blogging scene, I do Hope you missed me, as much As I have missed inspiring you.

Losing a Loved One, Especially a Parent, is one of LIFE’S GREATEST TEST.
MY SIBLINGS, I AND THE REST OF OUR FAMILY had lost my Mummy, just 4 years back, and then just recently, 17th October 2019, my beloved ABBA(father) was also called back to His Creator.

To say that this shattered us, would be an understatement. ABBA was a unique human being, loved not just by us as a family, but LOVED AND RESPECTED by many others within the community and those he came into contact with.

For the family…that fateful day, delivered a huge shock to us. He was our PILLAR OF STRENGTH ALWAYS... And when that Pillar finally succumbed his life from this worldy life (dunya)…. the tremors that vibrated through us was undeniably real. When our Pillar fell…so too did our legs give way from beneath us.

We are left with a sadness deep within our souls. PARENTS ARE THE EPICENTER OF EVERY FAMILY… WHEN THAT CORE IS SHAKEN, OR LOST, THEN THE VIBRATIONS ARE SURE TO HAVE A IMPACT FOR A WHILE.

GRIEVING…Is NORMAL and an Important part of LIFE. HOWEVER, finding ways to cope and help bring yourself out of a manic depressive state is much more Important. The HEALING process from grief is different for each person. This is just one way for me to heal…I write out my feelings and Thoughts to better help me cope.

This little FOOD FOR THOUGHT is what is helping me heal gradually… I take solice from these words, and I hope they can bring YOU MY READERS, IN SIMILAR SITUATIONS, some much needed comfort during your grieving process.

Like I Had done before upon losing my Mummy… A LETTER TO MY MOTHER ,This post is a dedication TO MY BELOVED ABBA (FATHER) AND MY DEAREST MUMMY. ABBA HAD THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SMILE, APART FROM EVERY OTHER VIRTUOUS QUALITY HE ENCOMPASSED.

SO NOW I TRY TO SMILE… BECAUSE IT REMINDS ME OF HIM, AND THE SMILE, HUG AND KISS HE LEFT ME WITH, THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM ALIVE.

A huge amount of respect and Gratitude to everyone that have made duas for Him and my family during these trying moments in life, your calls, concerns and support is most definitely appreciated.

*Disclaimer* I am by no means any kind of psychologist, these are just means by which I help myself cope and heal. PLEASE SEEK PROFESSIONAL ADVICE if you feel the need to.*

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I SMILE
Written By Marriam Essa-Sayed
(@foodeva_marsay)
www.marriamsayed.com

During Grief….

I SMILE…but my smile, doesn’t reach my eyes anymore.
I SMILE...but my eyes are sad.
I SMILE… but my heart is shattered into millions of pieces.
I SMILE... but the rest of my body protests from rejoicing along.

Healing from grief…

I SMILE… because I know THIS WORLDY LIFE (DUNYA) IS A TEST
I SMILE… because I want my loved ones to see me trying to battle my innermost emotions.
I SMILE… because YOU stood by my side during these TESTS
I SMILE … because I believe that the ALMIGHTY Allah/God , has something better planned for me
I SMILE … because I see YOUR SMILE, etched around the the corners of my mouth.
I SMILE … BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN THE BEST EXAMPLES AND LEFT, My siblings and I, WITH THE ULTIMATE LEGACY ON HOW TO BE A BETTER HUMAN BEING, BETTER SPOUSES AND BETTER PARENTS.
I SMILE BECAUSE I AM FOREVER INDEBTED TO THE ALMIGHTY FOR GRANTING ME PARENTS, LIKE YOU BOTH, WHO PROVED TO BE THE BEST TEACHERS IN THIS DUNYA.

ALHAMDULILLAH!!!

Continued Healing From Grief…

I SMILE NOW... EVEN THOUGH THE TEARS THREATHEN AT THE BACK OF MY EYES.

I SMILE NOW… EVEN AMIDST THE ESCAPED TEARS, AS MY HEART GENTLY AND GRADUALLY BEGINS TO HEAL FROM LOSING YOU.

I SMILE NOW... REMEMBERING ALL OUR SPECIAL MOMENTS.

I SMILE MORE NOW… BECAUSE I WATCHED YOU BOTH DO IT ALL THROUGH THE CHALLENGES THIS WORLDY LIFE (DUNYA), THREW YOUR WAY.

I SMILE …. NOT BECAUSE I STOPPED LOVING YOU,
I SMILE …. BECAUSE I AM HEALING,
I SMILE NOW…BECAUSEI AM LEARNING TO LIVE EACH DAY, WHILE MISSING YOU.

THIS SMILE, I SMILE …. IS MY ACT OF SADAQAH, ON YOUR BEHALF,
I KNOW I MUST SMILE… BECAUSE IT’S SUNNAH

*In Remembrance of My BELOVED AND DEAREST PARENTS, Hajee Abdul Wahab Essa and Rashida Bee Bee Essa*
Do remember them and all Dearly departed in your duas/prayers.
*MAY ALLAH GRANT THEM FORGIVENESS AND HIGHEST STAGES IN JANNAH AMEEN ⚘💕*

*Kindy Share as posted,www.marriamsayed.com*

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My dearest friends and followers on this Blog, I do know it has been a while since I last posted, but circumstance were such, that Blogging had been the furthest from my thoughts. My heart and Thoughts were, and still is with my Late Mummy:'(. She had passed away a few days after my last blog post, as I begin to attempt healing myself, please allow me to dedicate this post to my Mummy?. Do forgive any of my spelling/grammatical errors, as I type this out with Tears already welling up in my eyes?.

A Letter to my Mother

To My Dearest Mummy.
Just as Allah/God calls back the sun at the end of the day, magnificiently colouring the sky and World with it’s final warmth of outstreched rays, So did YOU, dear Mummy, leave Us to return to Your Creator.

After more than 20 years of graciously fighting your illness, Allah saw you getting tired and called you back to Him. You have filled our lives, and all those that have come to know you, with so much Love, Care and Laughter, gently adding colour to our days and years.

As you grew old, and sickness over took your body, you still had such a positive energy about you, your smile is forever etched in my memory. As years went by and being dependent upon medication to help ease your illness, Your Simple, Down-To-Earth demeanor, forever in Worship of your Creator, never complaining about your situation, prove What a Brave Soldier/Woman You were in all our eyes, and I pray Allah saw it that way too.

The Last time I met you Mummy, the very last words You said to me (as I was bidding you farewell to start a new chapter in my life thousand of miles away, in another country) were…
“Go safe my Child, just Don’t forget ME”, and gave me one of your tight hugs, amidst your shaky hands, and a kiss. I cried like a baby, seemed like I was leaving Home all over again, like I did 15 years ago when I married, BUT little did I know that this was Your Final Farewell to ME. Ooooh how I MISS YOU DEAREST MUMMY, how I long to hear your voice in the other end of the Telephone calls, I so looked forward to. In Life I loved You oh so Dearly, In Death I LOVE YOU still.

It Broke my Heart to Lose YOU, but you didn’t go Alone, a part of ME and the rest of our Family,went along with YOU, the Day Allah Called You Back To Him.???
I Can’t Thank Allah enough, for the Mummy He gave me, you may not have been Perfect in the Eyes of the World, But YOU were perfect for ME. I Thank You oh dear Mummy, for being my 1st teacher, for teaching me everything I know today, for instilling integrity and bringing me up on the straight path, for teaching me about sharing and humanity, for being my courage when courage is what I lacked, for being there just to listen without being Judgemental and for travelling along with Me, even though it were through my Pictures. You were the rose( YOUR FAV ), in all our lives, spreading your sweet fragrance as Lifes’ Waves ebbed on and On and On!!!
You will forever be loved and missed, a beautiful soul such as yours is what is needed more off in this World. I LOVE YOU MUMMY??

Ya Rabb, THANK YOU for giving me Just the kind of Mother You knew I needed! And as she returns back to YOU, Oh Allah, please Grant my Mummy, Rashida Essa, ease from the Punishment of the Qabr(grave), Fill her Qabr with Noor(light) and Grant her the best and Highest stages in Jannah AMEEN!!!! Grant me and the rest of my family, especially my Abba(dad) the strength to overcome this trying phase in our life, ameen.

?Foodeva Marsay?

The Very Last Sunset i witnessed over Durban, South Africa, and just as the last rays sipped over the Horizen, so did My mum Gently slip away from our Lives?. — The Very Last Sunset I witnessed over Durban, South Africa, and just as the last rays dipped over the Horizon, so did My mum Gently slip away from our Lives?. ( 07/06/2015)